It's not our fault we are running late for the holidays....

Every year we say we are going to get ready earlier, prepare & send cards right after Thanksgiving, plan events earlier in the month.......And, while once again we find ourselves in a mad mid-December scramble, this year we have a legitimate excuse....the holidays literally AND figuratively come later here!


More subtle: At home, the omnipresent & elaborate reminders of the season visible right after Halloween, (in theory) should spark us all into action early.  However, here even the most over-the-top holiday displays are, by comparison, subtle.  


In that spirit, I tried to convince the kids that these cute decorative trees could serve as our Christmas tree this year (rookie move - YES we now have a 'real tree' too!)

Anyhow, turns out the store with THE MOST elaborate holiday displays is a Home Depot like place - called Epicenter.  From the outside only the small tree gives any indication of the season

  
Inside, they do go to almost US levels of holiday festivity.....

They are trying to sell holiday decor after all.....

Stick your head in a Scottish man cut out?  Nothing says Merry Christmas like that!

Late timeline & no gifts for Christmas:  Given most people here are Orthodox, they celebrate Christmas on January 6-7.  However, that is considered a religious holiday only and does not include gifts. (Incidentally, while under Soviet rule, people were not allowed to celebrate Christmas since they were under 'severe religious repression' and apparently it was best to present yourself as atheist)  


But don't worry, they do go all out for New Years, which includes a visit from Father Frost & the Snow Princess - who come bearing gifts.  An example from Quincy's class party.....(Father Frost should look a little familiar!)

Post Soviet rule, some of the new generation have started to celebrate a St. Nicholas Day on December 19th.  It doesn't seem that widespread & has been described to me as a 'made up holiday', but does include more gifts - so our kids have declared it worthy of recognition.




So, just remember, if your holiday card arrives by the 7th of January, we are totally on time!


Hope you are enjoying the scramble of the season!

Hot - but not sweaty

Ukraine has a reputation (a well-deserved one, from what I've seen) for having very attractive women.  Maybe partly genetics - high cheek bones, slim builds.  But quite a lot seems effort related - thoughtful, body accentuating outfits, dedication to hair.....


It's not at all uncommon to see an outfit like this in the grocery store...

And while people at home joke about some moms being MILFs, here ALL the Ukrainian moms I have met are hot moms....

Correspondingly, most women 'below Babuska age' are seriously in shape.  (Babushka era is another topic entirely - stay tuned...) 


Anyhow, with all these hot, toned women, I expected to see fitness all over.  And while the 'Super Sculpt' class I attend is often pretty packed.....

...outside of a gym you almost NEVER see anyone working out.  

• Joggers? - Occasionally but ONLY in relatively isolated areas of parks.  
• Bikers? - I've seen ~3 to date - but the motivation must have been transportation desperation vs. exercise given scary 'assertive drivers' 

And when I do run to the gym, I often get gawked at & get the double-take starting from the white running shoes.  (It strikes me as funny that I am the one who stands out next to the thigh-high boot, tiny skirt crowd waiting for the 9am bus to work!)


The norm, it turns out, is to show up to the gym fully outfitted in aforementioned 'hot lady attire'.

Everyone enters & leaves looking perfectly coiffed, fully made-up and sweat free.  Hot damn -   this hot lady thing is a serious work!




So here's to bringing the sweaty to the hot!  Enjoy your day - whatever you threw on today....


    

Behind the Wheel

Before moving to Kyiv, the handful of ex-pats we met here all advised us that the roads are terrible, the drivers are lunatics and the whole thing is best left to professionals.  Many of our friends have hired drivers.  And frankly, many of the high-income locals also have hired drivers (the price per month is roughly what a car payment + insurance would run you at home).  


There is a sign at our kids' school which explains pick up rules - it opens with "Dear Parents, Nannies & Drivers.....".


So, it would not be unusual to live here for years and not drive oneself.  That said, what fun is it to be usual?!  


Logan has been driving himself since day 1 here, I've been behind the wheel for a few months now.....some of the key lessons so far:




Don't judge direction by other cars: While at home, you can generally glance down a street and determine if it is 1-way or 2-way based on the direction the cars are, that does not necessarily apply here......

Do not expect signs to inform location: At home, I was lulled into a comfortable expectation that there would be a street sign at virtually every intersection.  I mean, the freeway signs even point out niceties like which fast food place is coming up!  One learns quickly not to rely on street signs here.  Intersections rarely have them.  Instead you can look for signs on the sides of buildings (see the little white box on the fence?!).  Try reading one of these while driving.  How anyone found anything here before GPS totally perplexes me!

JUST GO!!!  And, don't worry about what's going on behind you: This seems to be a common rule observed by those driving in insane conditions....but I've been informed by several that your key to (relative) safety is  a) do not hesitate  b) do not worry about those behind you  c) JUST GO!  There are many instances where 3+ lanes of traffic suddenly merge down to 1 and feed into a highway....defies all safe highway planning as far as I can tell,.....but makes it virtually impossible to look behind you and merge in at the same time.  So you JUST GO!

Try to figure out what the random signs actually mean: While there are not many street signs, there are a slew of other signs - clearly intended to inform us of some sort of rule.  Some are obvious.......

Some a little less clear......(I think the 2 numbers relate to speed - NO idea what the black bump is all about)

And while I gather this means I should watch out, I have no idea for what..........

And some just perfectly confusing....(I guess this means trucks can go both ways?  And I have NO IDEA what the yellow diamond means - although I should find out as they are all over the place!)

...and on the rare occasion where there is a street sign, you are so busy trying to decipher what the other signs mean, it's easy to miss the street names anyhow!

If you screw something up, you WILL get caught: Big brother is everywhere.  You see traffic cops all over the place.  They are downtown, on the freeways, in my neighborhood.....and the funny thing is, they are on foot!  


Here you see one waiting to catch someone appearing to go too fast (who needs radar?!).....To pull you over, they wave a white baton at you.  I've been surprised by the immediate compliance I've witnessed so far.  I mean, are they really going to break into a foot race against a car?!?....

...apparently they've thought of that too....as you almost always see another team, WITH A CAR, about 50 yards ahead.  Apparently if you do not stop for the first guy, the second team is far less pleasant.  Considering the 'assertive customer service' culture, I shudder to think of what that would be like & fully plan to pull over when the time comes.

Out with the bribes, in with the friendly English babble:  Since it is likely just a matter of time until I get pulled over, I've been asking around how to handle the inevitable.  While a few years ago, a bit of $$ on the spot could absolve you of wrongdoing, Ukraine is now trying to clean up its act (partially in attempt to become part of the EU).  Apparently kickbacks are no longer the way out.  


Word on the street is talk quickly in English, feign lack of any ability to communicate in Russian or Ukrainian, pull out all kinds of papers - insurance papers, drivers license, restaurant receipts......whatever - smile and hope.  (Incidentally, Logan has been pulled over twice already - and has been given some useful tips on how to obey local rules - but has not received any tickets).




Happy Monday!  Safe driving and here's to you, street signs!


  

Highs and Lows

Kyiv is a city of extremes - especially when it comes to the economy.  


Oligarchs are loaded:  With the collapse of the Soviet Union & Ukraine's independence, many state-owned assets were privatized.  Those who were in the right place at the right time, emerged as 'oligarchs'.  Oligarchs are defined by Wikipedia as "well-connected entrepreneurs who started from nearly nothing and got rich through participation in the market via connections to the corrupt, but democratically elected, government of Ukraine during the state's transition to a market-based economy."


Regular Joe's are seriously squeaking by: Meanwhile, the average gross income is a mere $319 / month!  Sure - you can take your cat to the vet for silly low prices, and local produce & starchy foods are pretty cheap.....but it still doesn't add up to me.


With that context, I thought I'd share some of my neighborhood cues of these polar opposites.....let's take a look at 4 basic needs:


Shelter: Just down the road we live on, we have the high end.......


Palace like exterior, high fortress-like fence, enormous footprint (must be 7000+ sq ft), and a mini building for the guard / driver.....

....and the house directly next to that one represents how the other half live.......much smaller house (maybe 1000 sq ft), construction materials and drying laundry often out front....

That said, even a small house like this is not truly the low-end norm......more typically, an apartment in a Soviet-style building.




Transportation: Talk about wearing your wealth on your wheels, I've never seen so many Bentley's in my life.  A Ferrari or Porsche is not that unusual either.  And the seeming 'car uniform' of the wealthy here.....the Range Rover.

If you are not in the 'money is no object' set, odds are you're trolling around in something like this.  Small, fuel efficient, manual transmission Hyundai, Kia or Opel........

But, once again, the 'real average' people don't have cars - they take the Metro and walk (which apparently is only for people who cannot afford other modes of transport.  My landlord saw me walking & insisted on picking me up.  Could not believe I wanted to walk.)




Food: In the last 24 hours, I've experienced the range.....Logan's boss came in town and took us out for dinner to a steak / seafood place.  I don't dare guess what the total bill was.  But one appetizer alone was ~$20....

....meanwhile for lunch today, I chose a Ukrainian chain which serves food cafeteria style (always good for those with questionable language skills).  Total bill $5..

Clothing: Clearly, the oligarchs have money to spend when you take a look at some of the shops around town.....

....for those in the ~$2/hour camp, there are plenty of options as well.  Random 'pop up stores' like the back of this truck parked near our local grocery store....

....or low-end stores in the Metro stations......

...or, to keep overhead even lower, vendors literally lining the walls with their wares in the underground walkways.

The good news is - according to the Harvard professor on positive psychology (Tal Ben-Shahar), once basic needs are met, there is no correlation between wealth and happiness.  Instead happiness correlates to pleasure & purpose.


So, here's to having a happy day - even if you walk to work!

For the love of strays....

Kyiv is home to an abundance of stray animals - dogs and cats roam the streets freely.


You see them in city parks, on medians & roaming the streets......

You see them across the street by the construction site....the workers feed them

You see them hanging out on our front lawn (outside the fence)....

....after a few weeks of wondering, the mystery of who was feeding them was solved......babushkas!...

Kyiv, being VERY focused on image AND the host of the Euro Cup 2012 has decided these stray animals are not consistent with its desired image as an upstanding, attractive, developed European city.  So they did the natural thing..........put poison down in the parks.  (Yikes!  Clearly no PETA here.)


I also learned the hard way not to say anything about strays to your landlord.....I asked mine where to put the trash so the dogs would not get into it.  A few days later the dogs were no longer coming around.  I haven't seen any on our grass in over a month.  I don't know what happened - don't think I want to know.  


On a related topic, a friend of mine has apparently been labeled the stray cat softy.  People bring them to her knowing she can't say no.  She was up to 4 kittens when her husband starting offering co-workers bribes to take a cat or two off their hands.  I innocently went over to her house to join a painting class.  Then saw this........

  
And, while I have never considered myself a 'cat person' (I frankly did not like them), this little one & his brother made me revisit that assessment.  Next thing you know........'one week trial'

We are only 2 days in - so clearly have time to back out.  That said, we've accumulated silly amounts of supplies and toys, been to the vet for a check up ($3/cat - while I never had cats in the States, I can't imagine that's the going rate) & scheduled their vaccinations for next week.....

While clearly the signs are not pointing in the direction of making a return, as a former 'anti-cat-person', I feel I need to justify this seemingly rash 180.  My top excuses for bringing a set of feline friends home:

1. Logan's job includes managing the pet food business - yet we had no pets
2. Kids need to grow up with some sort of furry pet - but we failed having a dog in Chicago (was like having a 4th child) + the stray dogs that used to live in our yard might come back & harass a mollycoddled house dog
3. I already did gerbils (went through like 4 of them as a child)
4. We can chalk it up as serving some greater purpose

My favorite one is that we keep preaching to the kids the importance of trying new things - even things they say they don't like - so now I am just setting a good example.

In reality, I like having the silly balls of fur around!

So here's to new tricks!  Happy Monday

Thanksgiving showdown

Happy Thanksgiving weekend!  


It's good to keep saying that when living in a city where there are absolutely no reminders of the season in school (no days off!) in stores, or on ads.  


Given we are so far from home, we have over-compensated with numerous Thanksgiving feasts.....I'll compare:


Benefit Auction + Buffet Hotel Holiday: We've done hotel holidays before.....and they've always been quite merry.  However, our Thanksgiving dinner at the Inter Continental was relatively spirit challenged.......


It didn't help that the entrance to the event was a silent auction (the dinner benefited a local charity).  I love charity auctions and consider myself quite good at 'winning' things at them - but at Thanksgiving?!   


It also could have been the 7pm start.....

Or the assumption that the kids would NOT be seated with us - but would spend the evening in the separate kids room down the hall (something I normally LOVE about hotel dining here).  As tempting as that was, it seriously made me question their understanding of the holiday......


So we sat together...it was peachy!

The fare was semi-traditional....turkey with some sort of red random berry sauce (no gravy - GASP!)

Zoe opted for a Bavarian pretzel & pumpkin pie....the pretzel was only consumed once she realized a) Xavier was desperate for a pretzel like that AND b) hers was the last one on the buffet.  The resulting Xavier eruption I suspect she both anticipated and enjoyed.  

The pumpkin pie was secured in order to get to the raspberry.  She requested I pull all the raspberries off the pieces of pie.  I refused but then realized (sadly) how much we all miss Costco's year round berry selection!  




Family Home Holiday + Imported American Goods:  Saturday we joined 3 other families - all whom work for the US Embassy - for another go at Thanksgiving...


Katherine made a Butterball which had been flown over from the good old U.S. of A.!  It was ready 10 minutes early for the 5pm serving (living up to our American reputation here - being on time AND early)

And even had a kids table - near our table - but not too near.......

Note - the furniture is all Embassy provided.  Apparently a bill was signed requiring all Embassy owned furniture to be Made in the USA.  So regardless of where people live in the world, their furniture is traditional American from North Carolina.  It created an eerily familiar environment.....


After having found a store that sold fresh cranberries 3 weeks in a row - I got cocky - and volunteered to make cranberry sauce .  Clearly I underestimated the inventory management randomness here......immediately after volunteering, no cranberries were to be found.  Inspired by the Inter Continental's mystery sauce, I gave it a go......They may look like cranberries, but I assure you, they tasted nothing like them! 

But there was a giant pot of gravy as well as some loot Logan recently brought back for us.....phew!

Net, net, the home party kicked the hotel's turkey!


And in addition to the standard 'friends & family, health & abundance', we learned to be thankful for: early holiday meal times, fresh produce available beyond its local harvest cycle & gravy!


I'll say it again.................Happy Thanksgiving!

Corruption & Bribery

Ukraine has a reputation of corruption & bribery - but they are trying to change that.....a recent paper reported both on a high ranking customs official being caught accepting 20,000 hr (~$2,500USD) to turn a blind eye on a ship that violated customs rules AND the President vowing to end corruption.  


Additionally, there are lots of stories swirling around the ex-pat community of corruption - a kid's teddy bear being 'held hostage' for a bribe at the airport, traffic violations being absolved for a fee.  So I've learned a few tricks from being here....


Getting the kids out the door, on time in the morning is a serious struggle.  After a few weeks, I realized screaming, threatening and loud clapping was not proving effective.....so I borrowed a page from the Ukrainian playbook.............


Bribery really does work!  Simple formula - be ready & waiting before the bus arrives, put a handful of noodles in the jar.  Fill the jar, go to one of the many 'fun zones' in town......


The first jar took about 3 weeks to fill.  The second (a much bigger jar), took about 5.....but the reward was deemed ' worth it'.

Kiev has several fun zone type places best described as Chuck E Cheese on steroids....

Tons of video games...

Casino like - they reward you with coupons.....

....to turn in for cheap crap the kids love!

Rides...

....including a kiddie bull ride (damn, maybe we ARE in Kansas!)

Even bowling...

...and crap food (these Kids Meals were purchased from a place called "McFoxxy".  Their food, logo and atmosphere is strikingly similar to the U.S. behemoth.....people have joked only in Ukraine would they allow such blatant trademark infringement)

...And of course, the requisite electric cars kids can drive themselves - although at this mall they are in the shape of animals vs. cars......

Net, net, the bribe was deemed a success when Quincy reported 'having this place is an advantage over the U.S.'












So whether you call it 'performance incentives' or 'bribery' doesn't matter to me.  If it gets these 3 out the door in time, without any screaming, sign me up!